Special Features
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the spring of 1895, an archeological find of the most profound
historical significance was unearthed. A chest containing artifacts
from Hell was discovered in the back garden of a Miss Abbey
Baker (a posh bint). Her Majesty the Queen personally hand picked
the crack team of scientists to work on the research, analysis
and restoration of the artifacts. Photographist, Andy Warpole
(a Wanker) captured their elation in the picture below.
Plate 01: "We Happy Few" (Andy Warpole
- 1896)
Pictured: The most emminent scientists in the British Empire.
Never again would so many brilliant minds be gathered in the
same room. During the work, three of the above scientists
were to go insane (two were already insane prior to being
commissioned) and though Dr. McCubbin's behavioral problems
constantly embarrassed the British government, his 'discreet
execution' was rejected by parliament.
From top left: Billy Kevorkian, Miss Amelia Airhead (his
assistant), Dr. Eggfried Moreau, Dr. Ted Strangelove, Florence
"Bulbs" Nightingale, Dr. Trent Frankenstein, Dr.
Anton Phibes and Professor Mike Bignold.
From bottom left: Dr. Angus "Andy" McCubbin, Miss
Vagina Hemlock (his assistant), Miss Dorothy Parker and Dr.
Proboscis Hernia. (Dr. Hernia's virtuoso bagpipe performances
have remained a prized collector's item to this day).
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| The extraordinary picture below
was painstakingly restored to its original condition and size
(58 x 37 meters) by restoration supervisors Andy McCubbin and
Mike Bignold. It's reproduced here by kind permission of Mrs.
Betty Shakespeare (thanks Betty!). This epic masterpiece depicts
the very first scene in the story. Daemons have unhorsed the
carriage which leaves the road and falls through the ice, decapitating
the driver. Note the incredible sky and the reflections in the
ice - this is exactly how it was on that fateful night. |
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| Below: Fragments of the account
written by Backyard Kipling, a noted chronicler of the times.
Had these fragments not survived the Great Fire of London, doctors
McCubbin and Bignold might never have been able to reconstruct
the masterpiece shown above. |
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| Below: The only
two remaining pictures in existence of Johnny Merrick
- master of the Elephant style of kung fu. We kindly thank the
John Simon Doodletime (Museum O Fart) for allowing us to display
them here. Artist, Andy Warpole captured these images of Johnny
enjoying a candid moment with friends just before the crew left
on their historic journey to Hell in 1895.
A quiet and dignified master and a true gentleman, Johnny
perfected his heavy kicking style over many years of solitude
in a mountain retreat during a time of great evil. Only when
his style was perfect did he come down from the mountains
to fight evil full time. Johnny is survived by his Elephant
family, an Elephant boy and girl and of course, his Elephant
wife. |
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Johnny Merrick 1 circa 1895 
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Johnny Merrick 2 circa 1895
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Below:
(MOTIP coat of arms restored by Dr. Mike Bignold in 1899).
It was common for great English kung fu masters of the period
to commision their own coat of arms, which often featured
the exotic creatures their styles were named after. Below
shows an example of Mike Bignold's patented restoration process
at work.
Before: The image as it first appeared
on the steel. After: The fully restored
coat of arms.
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Plate 89: John Gabriel Utterson |
Plate 61: The Shakespeare Family
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Mr. Utterson was the only
remaining Master of the Iron Pig in the British Empire at
the time. His student, Mr. Guest, was set to take over the
lineage when the adventure began.
Utterson was killed in combat by the Nun-with-the-Cloven
Hoof. Mr. Guest swore vengeance. |
Pictured: Ernie Shakespeare,
descendant of the famous bard, with his wife Betty and two children,
Trevor (top) and Kevin.
Trevor died of the Plethora in 1894 and was consequently
unable to go on the journey to Hell. His brother Kevin, went
instead. |
| Below: McCubbin's
restored tarot card showing the Deadly Nightshades, three of
the most extraordinary daemons in Hades (also known as the 'Gods
of Death'). The crew were forced to confront these three in
mortal combat in order to cross the Bridge of Despair. |
Plate 54:
The Deadly Nightshades as they really appear. This photo was
not difficult to obtain since vanity was their only weakness
but the seeker should not be decieved by the beckoning smiles
and the alluring attire - these three unmarried villains are
deadly masters and should only be approached with the utmost
caution. |
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| The light emanating from inside their hats
is said to be the 'radiance of a foul soul.' |
From left: Mary, Mo and
Jack. The center Nightshade (Mo) is able to disguise her height
using special breathing techniques. |
| Below: Dr. Angus McCubbin after
his second term in the Tower of London, shown here with Dr.
Proboscis Hernia. Rumors that these two were intimate could
not be suppressed. |
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| The restoration of the tarot card back:
"Can you do the same job on me?", cried a delighted Queen Victoria
when she saw Dr. McCubbin's amazing makeover of the card back
shown below. Witnesses said McCubbin appeared reluctant
to answer. The originals are now on display at the John Simon
Doodletime. |
| Before: McCubbin had immense trouble restoring the colors
because the original (below) didn't have any. |
After: The colors as they obviously
should have appeared. Shown: What happens when you drink Dr.
Jekyll's potion. |
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Left: Cohen the Barbarian
Below: Cohen's mother. Mrs. Cohen, herself
a handicapped person, invented the wheelchair flap for the
disabled. This picture sketched by Backyard Kipling in 1894,
shows the convenience her invention affords.
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| Below: Details of the most famous
chorus girl ever to work at the Damnpages Theater. |
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| Jay Edgar Hoover suddenly found Hell a little
overwhelming, he just wanted to go back to his grave. While
he sang about such things, his mother (top center) appeared
to him in the form of an angel. Respecting this tender moment
between Jay and his mother, the crew kept their distance. Mo'
Hoover wished her son peace as soon as he got back to his grave
and assured him that the boys in the pub were not concerned
about the money he owed them. A few tears were shed, then the
journey continued. |
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